businessandlove

day.... whatever, ive lost count

2007-08-30T23:20:32Z

still eating right

still exercising

thats all that matters

Days 7-10

2007-08-29T00:07:28Z

OK, so I got a little side-tracked with things.

So I will try to remember days 7 and 8 as best I can. Have no idea what food I had on either days. Didnt hit the gym on day 7, but I spent most of the day cleaning my apartment, so, I counted that as a workout (manual labour god dammit). Day 8, I went grocery shopping, did the laundry, then went for a leisure walk around city. Again, didnt hit the gym, counted that as my workout. I think thats fair.

Day 9. Same breakfast as always, sandwich and salad for lunch, parmesan crusted chicken with carrots, asparagus, potatoes, and Uncle Ben's Bistro Express Rice (best fuckin stuff ever I swear), and topped off with some Hollandaise sauce I made. And I know the sauce is probably bad for me. But screw it. Im not going to torture myself on this diet. And its not even a diet. I'm just trying to eat better. Anyway, only did about 30 minutes on the treadmill, but, I definitely pushed myself a LOT harder than just my usual 40 minutes brisk walking on an incline. I added some running (not jugging) in about 8-9 minute intervals throughout, and was sweating more than I thought possible by the end out. Definitely a good workout. Did about 5-10 mintues of free weights right after the 30 minute tread.

Day 10. The cheat day. I knew this was coming. Big staff meeting, in which lunch was ordered, specifically Swiss Chalet. but instead of ordering dark meat and fries, i ordered white meat (on a kaiser, i know, white bread and really bad for you), and mixed veggies. I also had a multi-grain roll. But I also had some gravy. But I did have a bottle of water to wash it all down. Plus for dinner, all I had was some pork and asparagus, with a little bit of tzaziki sauce. And I did another 30 minutes on the treadmill tonight. 3 minutes walking, 10 minutes straight running, 5 minutes walking, another 5 minutes running, then the final 3 minutes walking.

The good news: while the weight isn't falling off, its not going up, which is good. I havent been NOT putting on weight for months. only been going up and up and up. So that fact that I'm holding steady is ok. PLus, a friend of mine (who is in amazing shape) explained that when you first start eating healthy, your body goes into starvation mode and actually stores MORE fat than usual. So it actually takes a few weeks of working out to start seeing results, which is why most people give up on eating well and working out.

I just hope I'm going about all this the right way.

Day 4

2007-08-22T23:57:50Z

Breakfast - Same as always

Lunch - same as Day 2

Dinner - boneless skinless chicken breast, rice, broccoli, in this sauce I found on Kraftcanada.ca - its half a can of 25% sodium reduced chicken broth, half a tub of herb and garlic light cream cheese, a little bit of calorie wise balsamic vinaigrette, a little bit of light parmesan cheese, and a squirt of lemon juice.

Pre-workout snack/post dinner dessert - half a fruit and nut bar

plus some carrots and dip throughout the day.

Only work out for about 30 mintues today... my knee is really hurting... tomorrow im talking a day off the gym... as much as I don't want to...

Day 3

2007-08-21T23:58:19Z

Breakfast - Same as yesterday

Lunch - Last night's leftovers, plus salad with some cheese

Dinner - Garlic ginger chicken with sauteed mushrooms, asparagus and two mini potatoes with a bottle of water

Snacks - Carrots with fat free ranch dip
Pre-workout snack - Half a fruit and nut bar
Post dinner dessert - Other half of fruit and nut bar

Workout: 40 minutes on the treadmill, most of it brisk walking on a level 2 incline, but with about 8-9 minutes light jogging thrown into the middle of it.

Problem - Had three coffees today. I'm working that all this eating properly and exercising is a waste because of the cream and sugar I have in my coffee....

Day 2

2007-08-21T01:14:38Z

Breakfast: One slice whole wheat toast with peanut butter and organic jam

Lunch:
Sandwich: two slices whole wheat bread, tsp. of Olive Oil based margerine on each slice, 1 slice ham, 1 slice prosciutto, tiniest bit of calorie-wise miracle whip (for taste), couple drops of honey mustard, and a little bit of Kraft Tex-Mex Cheese.
Salad: Spring Mix, little bit of Kraft Tex-Mex Cheese, roasted red pepper salad dressing. With some water.

Dinner:
Greek marinated pork tenderloin with tzaziki sauce, asparagus/potatoes and carrots with a total of maybe a tsp. of olive oil based margerine.

Mid day snacks: Carrots with calorie-wise ranch dip
Pre-gym snack - Half of a Fruit and Nut Mix granola bar
Post gym snack - other half of fruit and nut mix granola bar

Dessert - Full Fruit and Nut Mix granola bar.

Gym - 45 minutes high speed walking on a level 2 incline.

PROBLEM - Still drinking way too much coffee with way too much sugar in it. Sugar is gonna kill this whole weight loss goal. Gonna have to figure out a way to get around this... and still get a caffeine intake. Suggestions welcome.

And now I'm friggin tired.

Here it goes again

2007-08-19T17:16:28Z

Starting weight, 145.

The good news: Over the last two weeks, I managed to cut all the bad shit out of my diet. No pizza, no Swiss Chalet, no Tuna Helper (which is delicious, btw), no pasta at work for lunch, the last thing I have to cut out is my morning bagel (which, granted, isn't that bad, it is a pumpernickle bagel, but still, its really not that good for you..)

The other good news: I haven't so much as had a drag of a cigarette in two weeks. Believe me, I've been tempted. In fact, at the bar on Friday, at one point, everyone turned into giant dancing cigarettes, I wanted one so bad. But, I haven't done it.

So now, it's all up to me. I've been eating healthy for two weeks, and haven't put on any weight. Which means, if I start exercising, I should start seeing the pounds come off.

Goal weight? 130. Dream weight? 120-125. Let's see what happens over the next couple months.

The reason for this? I wanna show up at my home offices Christmas party (I am currently working out of another location, so I haven't seen anyone from my home office in over a month, and I won't be seeing them again until the Christmas Party) looking so bloody amazing, that people actually comment on how good I look. That is the goal.

Today, it begins. And I will diarize my journey.

FUCK

2007-08-17T02:11:59Z

Like a moron, I decide I"m not gonna wear rubber clothes when I was the dishes, and I always wear them,

and now I remember why. One swipe of my large skillet and I slice two of my fingers open on my second biggest knife.

Perfect. Fuck me this hurts.

businessandlove @ 2007-08-15T17:40:00

2007-08-15T21:41:50Z

lets see, went back to work today, but was too tired to do anything, cause i was up too late last night

I had unproductive days like that. I actually went out of my way to look busy so as to not actually do any work.

One of these days they are gonna figure out what I'm up to and I'm gonna get canned.... lets hope not...

businessandlove @ 2007-08-13T23:18:00

2007-08-14T03:25:14Z

I had to leave work today.

I changed my diet a week ago (basically went from eating pizza and pasta every day 3 times a day) to eating veggies, chicken, fish, salads, lots of water, etc.

And the next thing I know, my stomach started swelling, I was getting abdominal cramps, and I couldn't... you know.... it's not a #1 but the other thing you do in the bathroom...

I just couldn't. It felt like something was stuck. I've never had this problem before in my life, and it's freaking me right the hell out. So I left work today, panicking, I'd be taking stuff to help with the problem, but nothing was working,

then all of a sudden, today, at like 4:30, things, started to happen, and I swear, I was in the most pain I've ever been in my entire life for the next 5 hours.

It's JUST NOW starting to feel better, although there is still alot of discomfort.

I know thats a really revolting story.... when I tried to tell someone at work what was going on cause I was really freaked out about it.. I started crying, now I don't know whats worse, this stupid issue which I think is now going away (I think), or, the fact that I cried at work, justifiably so, cause really, when you've never had a certain medical issue before the first time it happens can be fuckin scary, but still, you should never, ever, cry at work, especially since I just start there a month ago... but the two girls I talked to were amazing. They both gave me a big hug to make me feel better, they were so sweet.

businessandlove @ 2007-08-12T11:12:00

2007-08-12T15:14:07Z

oh and I am now 145 pounds (which, at 5'8, doesnt actually look that bad, but, not the point).

this week, i cut all the crap back out of my diet when i realized id put on 25 pounds in 3 years.

As in, stopped buying lunch every day at work, stopped ordering pizza and Swiss Chalet every night for dinner,

but now the key is, how am i gonna stop loading my coffee with cream and sugar every morning? im sure thats contributing to my weight gain, and i sorely need the caffeine...

businessandlove @ 2007-08-12T10:47:00

2007-08-12T14:48:37Z

so my phone hasnt rung in.... i don't even know how long

if i wasnt around (like, if i moved or something, out of the country), i seriously think that, the only person that would notice, would be my mother

businessandlove @ 2007-04-06T14:27:00

2007-04-06T18:30:52Z

so theres this big job promotion that everyone at work is going for.

The competition is tight.

I have some resources that I use to study... I actually shared those resources with my co-workers.

I don't know why. Because if they get the job and I don't, I will resent them. And they won't even remember me.

Everyone seems to think that what I did showed a lot of character... but believe me, this was a 50-50 battle of my brain, the other 50 wishing the worst things against my co-workers so that I get the job...

businessandlove @ 2007-04-03T23:42:00

2007-04-04T03:42:49Z

Go Leafs Go.

businessandlove @ 2007-04-03T02:07:00

2007-04-03T06:08:13Z

2a.m.

ive only slept maybe 5 hours since sunday night

i feel like im going to die

businessandlove @ 2007-04-02T22:59:00

2007-04-03T03:03:09Z

So it's been a long, long ass time since I posted to my journal.

I wonder how many people will even read this.

My 25th birthday is coming up. Every year I say it won't matter to me, but it always does. I worry for weeks that no one will show up for my birthday. I hate this time of year.

I fell off the wagon in terms of... everything. My apartment is a mess, my eating habits have once again gone to hell, im not exercising, and I'm having 1 cigarette per day (not counting drinking on weekends).

Dated a guy briefly for a week... he turned out to be dumb as a bag of hammers... needless to say, things didn't work out.

I've never really been able to stick to anything my entire life. Maybe I should try sticking to a journal.

That would be a start.

businessandlove @ 2007-03-13T20:52:00

2007-03-14T00:53:12Z

1. Can you cook?
2. What was your dream growing up?
3. What talent do you wish you had?
4. Favorite place?
5. Favorite vegetable?
6. What was the last book you read?
7. What zodiac sign are you?
8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?
9. Worst Habit?
10. Do we know each other outside of Livejournal?
11. What is your favorite sport?
12. Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
13. What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15. Tell me one weird fact about you.
16. Do you have any pets?
17. Do you know how to do the Macarena?
18. What time is it where you are now?
19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21. Would you be my partner in crime or my conscience?
22. What color eyes do you have?
23. Ever been arrested?
24. Bottle or Draft?
25. If you won $10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it?
26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?
27. What's your favorite bar to hang at?
28. Do you believe in ghosts?
29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30. Do you swear a lot?
31. Biggest pet peeve?
32. In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33. In one word, how would you describe me?
34. Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?

businessandlove @ 2006-11-29T02:54:00

2006-11-29T07:54:35Z

Can't sleep. Again.

Had an extremely vivid dream last night, about a lawyer I've had a crush on for a year. I no longer work directly with him, although we do work a couple blocks away from each other.

We trade emails back and forth.

He'll be at the christmas party, which is at a fancy hotel bar. I keep having this fantasy where he invites back to his hotel room for a "drink" midway throught he party.

I think I'm in love with him.

But he's way out of my league.

businessandlove @ 2006-11-14T23:51:00

2006-11-15T04:51:47Z

Met a guy at a work party on Saturday.

And for whatever reason, today I mentioned to a co-worker that I had gone to a movie with him.

I need to learn how to keep my personal life away from work.

I truly do wear my heart on my sleave.

businessandlove @ 2006-11-05T02:06:00

2006-11-05T07:06:56Z

The last little while, I've been feeling very sorry for myself in regards to my social life.

I've been pretty lonely.

But then I have nights like tonight, went to a great dinner/kareoke party with a co-worker, my phone rang a few times, made me feel good.

I like feeling wanted socially.

You know you were rushing to get ready for work when....

2006-10-24T02:20:10Z

.... you forget to put on a bra.

Thats right. I forgot to wear a bra. I have no clue how I managed to do this. What's funny is, I didn't even notice until I went shopping at lunch, when to try something on, and upon removing my shirt, I realized, it was missing!!!!!!!!!

businessandlove @ 2006-10-22T18:38:00

2006-10-22T22:42:34Z

Long time no post.

The guy from my last entry, the one I went gaga over, turned out to be a prick. When I woke up the next morning, there was a CD and a note stuck to my door - he'd made me a little mix cd. Cute, very high school. I should have seen this next part coming. We ended up having a marathon date two days later, which ended in us falling to sleep together at his apartment (no sex). Sure enough, when I left the next morning, never heard from him again.

Should I be a bitch at leave his CD in front of his apartment door? (which, btw, I never listened to anyway).

I'm really pissed off at my sister's boyfriend. It was his birthday this weekend, and he invited me out. He promised to bring some cute single guys. Sure enough, EVERY SINGLE GUY he brought out had a girlfriend.

I'm actually at the point now where I literally just hide in my apartment and eat.

What am I doing...

2006-10-01T23:14:43Z

Now I know why I havent dated in so long

I'm one of the few people in the world that doesn't like that feeling you get when you first meet someone you are attracted to... that feeling of butterflies, of someone new... I can't stop thinking about this god damn guy I met thursday night... we had a date yesterday... i cant.... stop.... thinking of him.....

businessandlove @ 2006-09-26T22:14:00

2006-09-27T02:18:17Z

An episode of sex and the city I haven't seen, cool.

So I've resorted to starving myself in order to get control over a life I feel is spiraling out of control. Yesterday, for breakfast I had a grilled cheese and half a bottle of water for breakfast, some carrots and dip for lunch, and two hot dogs without the buns for dinner.

Today, same breakfast, couple bites of a grilled salmon and a couple carrots for lunch, same dinner. In order to fill the void, I suck on Ricola cough drops throughout the day. I go through 7 or 8 of them. Keeps my mind off the starvation.

Why am I teasing myself to see how far it will go? I'm starving but I'm so afraid to eat because I'm 20 pounds overweight that I just can't do it. I'm so lonely and so depressed and I'm falling apart at work and I don't have a boyfriend, and somehow I think that starving myself for as long as possible is going to fix that... hmmmm.....

businessandlove @ 2006-09-25T20:27:00

2006-09-26T00:29:07Z

I am officially a workaholic. It is destroying my life.

I have nothing to come home to and all I think about is work 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

Being a workaholic is ruining my career. God, I'm ruining my life....

businessandlove @ 2006-09-25T02:35:00

2006-09-25T06:43:21Z

Getting closer to three a.m.

Still can't stop thinking about work. Tomorrow has the potential to be hell. I fear everything. I fear my boss, it makes me afraid that he hates me so much, I'm afraid of losing my job, I'm afraid of being stuck in the same job for the rest of my life.

I still think about my British ex. I have serious problems there still. Since the break up, two and a half years ago, I'm still obsessed with british movies, music, paraphonalia (spelling?), and I'm convined that at age 24, I'll never look as good as I did when I met him at age 20, which I don't, and that I'll never be as in love with anyone as I was with him. I still check an old hotmail account that no one has the address to that I never use, but it's the one he used to break up with me with.... for a long time he forgot that he had me in his contacts after we broke up... so he would send these mass emails to his entire contact list, accidently emailing me... I responded a couple of times with some how are you's and things like that, but eventually, knew I couldn't handle emailing him anymore... and even today, I still check for emails, whenever I see the same car he drove, I instinctively check to see if it is him.... I miss that time, it was a fantasy world that was never real..... he was rich and good looking and had a sexy accent... emotionally, not so great, there was a barricade, he couldn't commit, refused to even discuss the notion of marriage, citing that he didn't believe in it, never would get married, would say things like "you don't know what could happen tomorrow.. you could wake up and meet the man of your dreams..." which was guy code for "I'm holding out for something better..."

what the hell is wrong with my brain....